October 2008 - Posts

• Leave the Superglue to the Grownups

  Around 3 a.m. this morning, I wandered into the bathroom.  While there, I suddenly became very concerned about the broken towel bar.  The towel bar broke more than six months ago, and the two halves have been sitting on the back of the toilet ever since.  We just haven’t gotten around to going to buy a replacement.  And I honestly have no idea why we kept the two halves to begin with.  I also have absolutely no clue why I picked 3 a.m. to start worrying about it. In my half-asleep state, I had a brilliant idea.  I would just Superglue the two halves together.  Then we wouldn’t need to buy a new towel bar, and we wouldn’t have to go to Home Depot (I hate that place because there are never any employees on the floor.  I have no idea where they all hide).  I read the back of the Superglue tube carefully.  It said it would bond “most types of plastic” in 15 seconds.  I figured that the towel bar would surely be glueable.  So, I squirted a tiny bit onto one half of the towel bar and held the two pieces together for 20 seconds.  When I let go, they fell to the floor. This is where I lost it.  Well, you may argue that Supergluing at 3 a.m. in the first place means I had already lost it…and you would have a good point.  But I decided that maybe I hadn’t used enough glue the first time.  So I squirted twice as much on the towel rod.  I held the Superglue tube in one hand while I held the towel bar together, lest the .000001 second it took to put it down would be enough to keep the bond from forming between the two halves of the towel bar.  I held the towel bar together for one full minute.  When I let go, the two halves fell to the floor.  But the Superglue tube didn’t.  Apparently, I had just glued it to my thumb. I tried to pull it off, but it didn’t budge.  I tried to shake it off of my hand by vigorously waving it in the air – nothing.  I tried to soak my thumb in nail polish remover, but that didn’t work.  Apparently, I needed acetone nail polish remover.  All we had in the house was non-acetone.  At this point, I was teetering on the edge.  I alternated between hysterical giggling and a vision of the future – of Dom being a social pariah because his Mom was the weird lady with a Superglue hand.  So, I did what any wife would do if she found herself the victim of a Superglue accident at 3 a.m.  I woke up my husband and sent him to the store for the right kind of nail polish remover. Thankfully, for once he followed instruction well and he came home with the right remover.  I soaked for an hour, occasionally removing my thumb from the remover to wiggle the Superglue tube.  When I had made what I considered decent progress, I yanked.  And it hurt.  I will be sticking to Elmer’s glue sticks from now on.  I’ll leave the Superglue to the grownups. Posted Oct 31 2008, 07:12 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, weird stuff [Edit Tags]

• Happy Halloween...er, Harvest...er, Friday

  On Friday, the world will celebrate Halloween.  Little kids will dress up like Princesses, Pirates, and Obama to beg strangers for food…and adults will drink until they puke. We won’t be celebrating…although Chipotle will be handing out free burritos to anyone who comes in dressed as a burrito (that tempted me for a second). We don’t celebrate Halloween.  We only celebrate religious holidays…for Easter, we concentrate on the resurrection (Plastic eggs represent Christ’s tomb, and if a bunny hops through the apartment, I am tossing it out).  For Christmas, we concentrate on Christ’s birth (Santa doesn’t come here, despite my mother’s efforts to the contrary).  On Thanksgiving, we give thanks for our blessings, and on the Fourth of July, we give thanks for our freedom.  I haven’t yet found a way to incorporate God into Halloween, so we don’t participate. I have no problem with others celebrating.  I love to see pictures of kids in full dress-up.  I like to hear about people’s plans for the evening.  I’ll eat candy from the bowls stores leave next to the registers. I take full advantage of candy sales, and I like to stock up on the solid-orange housewares that pop up in displays.  Dom loves pumpkins, so we buy a lot of them and puree them for later use (great way to store it up for Thanksgiving pies).  I have heard of churches that celebrate the “Harvest.”  They have kids from the congregation dress up and give them candy.  To me, that is the same thing as trick or treating.  So, if you as a church have a problem with Halloween (because of its Pagan beginnings and no attempted tie-in to Christianity), why celebrate with the same traditions?  I mean, be consistent – either Halloween violates your beliefs and you don’t participate, or you just trick or treat and stop complaining about how it violates your beliefs.  Isn’t that just common sense? So, on Friday, our lights will be out.  We won’t answer if anyone knocks, although I may peek out the window to check out the costumes (I mean, who doesn’t love little Princesses and Pirates?  I’ll boo any Obamas that come by, though).  And, in the next few years, I may have an infant come Halloween…and I will take full advantage of that free burrito offer by wrapping him or her in a shiny blanket.  Because free Chipotle is free Chipotle. Posted Oct 29 2008, 08:03 PM by marylandmom with 1 comment(s) Filed under: maryland, holidays [Edit Tags]

• Mommy Makeovers

  The other day, as I was driving home from a visit with my Mom, a commercial came onto the radio.  The overly perky speaker started talking about “Mommy Makeovers.”  Because I could always use a makeover, I listened intently.  Perhaps I would get tips on easy care hairstyles (besides my normal ponytail).  Maybe there actually was a way to ensure that my shower could happen in the morning, when I prefer to get clean…rather than being pushed back to late afternoon when we have one of those days.  Even if I just learned what color eyeliner can hide bags under my eyes, the 30 seconds spent listening would be well worth it. This was not any makeover I had experience with, though.  In fact, this was a makeover unlike any of which I had ever heard.  Apparently, this makeover was of a more permanent sort – plastic surgery.  I assume that this surgery includes a tummy tuck and a boob lift. The speaker didn’t give specifics of the work she’d had done (ladies don’t share such things, after all).  Instead, she focused on the fact that the entire experience took place in a spa-like atmosphere.  She added that all of her friends use this same plastic surgeon. Really? There are actually mothers out there with enough free time on their hands to be this focused on their looks?  If so, do any of them teach classes in time management?  I really, really need one.  I barely have time to pick out matching clothes…and sometimes even that doesn’t happen.  Finding time to critique my sagging boobs in a three-way mirror is impossible.  Besides, I consider my boob problem and never-going-to-be-the-same belly to be battlescars.  I fought the hard battle of pregnancy, labor and delivery.  I got a few wonderful miracles out of it.  Why would I want to erase all outward signs of them? Posted Oct 27 2008, 09:49 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, weird stuff [Edit Tags]

• The Book Corner…October 25, 2008

  Dom and I love to read together.  Rather, I read while he flips the pages so quickly that I can’t keep up.  Same difference. We check anywhere from 5 – 15 children’s books out of the library each week.  We also have an extensive children’s collection on our own bookshelves.  There are some books that Dom and I love so much that I want to share them with other parents.  So I figure that I’ll do that once a week or so.  Here is this week’s book corner… Tito, the Firefighter Tito, el Bombero by Tim Hoppey This is my last firefighter book review for a long time.  I promise.  This is one of Dom’s current favorite subjects, though, so I am just sharing as we read.  I am sure there will be a series of train book reviews coming soon. Bilingualism is all the rage these days.  Corporations pay bilingual employees a premium for their language skills, signs are displayed in a variety of languages, and babies can take language classes as young as three months (no, I am not kidding.  Just check your Families Only magazine when it shows up).  This book is in English, but certain phrases are repeated in Spanish (the font for the Spanish terms is bright red and italicized).  The last page contains a translation vocabulary of the Spanish terms used in the story. The book is about Tito, a little boy who, through circumstance, becomes a firefighter for a day.  An example of the English/Spanish phrasing: I could tell something was Very wrong.  Something Was muy mal. An added bonus is that this book got it right – there is a female firefighter, complete with a red ponytail.  Between this book and Dora, Dom will be speaking Spanish in no time. Posted Oct 25 2008, 01:00 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, education, books, Book Corner [Edit Tags]

• Holy Woman on a Hill

  This blog entry is not about my kid.  It is not about my husband or anyone else in my life.  It is about me.  I have a friend who I neglect far too often (so often that I am surprised to still be considered her friend).  Somehow, though, she is still able to act as my Holy Woman on a Hill, dispensing appropriate words of wisdom when they are most needed.  Although I don’t call her when I should and we miss each other on IM constantly, I do stalk her blog.  I love reading about the joys and trials of her single motherhood…and I adore updates about my favorite little miracle baby girl. I just finished reading her most recent blog entry, and although I know she didn’t write it about me, it spoke – no, sang – to my soul.  In her blog, she was telling a different friend to live her life, to take baby steps to regain herself.  The very need for her to write this blog to another woman is telling – apparently, we women are far too willing to shove ourselves so deeply inside that we lose our essence, our joy.  And I am not willing to do that anymore.  I love my son and husband.  I love being the person Dom misses most when I leave a room.  But that is not all of me.  I need to find that spark that makes me…well, me.  I am already better than I was.  I now make time for my writing, rather than pushing it ever farther down the to-do list so I can deal with everyday crises.  But I just realized that it is okay if I am even more selfish than that.  It is okay if I go jogging.  It is okay if I go to the park – alone – and read a book.  It is okay.  How freeing! Posted Oct 23 2008, 09:31 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland [Edit Tags]

• The Perfect Man

  I must be doing something right.  One day, my son will be the perfect man.  We had two examples today of Dom’s wonderfully sensitive personality. We stopped by CVS before going to visit my Mom.  The plan was that I would grab the painkillers that I had a coupon for that made them free.  I grabbed the pills and we went to stand in the very long line at the cash registers.  Dom wandered away a few times to a display of cut bouquets.  He would smell them, and then come back over to me.  The last time he went over to smell the flowers, he grabbed a bouquet of roses and carefully carried them back over to me.  He looked up at me and said, “For Nana?” Yes…my two-and-a-half-year old remembered that he and Nana spent an hour a few visits ago wandering around her neighborhood smelling flowers.  And he wanted her to know how special that memory is to him.  And he picked out flowers for her.  I guess I don’t need to tell you what Nana’s reaction was…she was thrilled, of course. After our visit with my Mom, we went to Trader Joe’s.  We stopped at a location we rarely go to (there is one much closer to home, but this one was on the way).  As we wandered down the aisles, I grumbled under my breath as I noticed item after item on my grocery list was out of stock.  I finally looked at Dom and said, “The other store is never out of stock!”  Then I went back to grumbling my way down the aisles.  Finally, Dom looked up at me from the cart’s seat and said, “Stop, Mommy!”  I stopped the cart and looked at him.  He just wrapped his arms around me and said, “I love you.”  So, yes, I am raising the perfect man.  When he turns three, we will start accepting applications for his future wife.  The application fee is a box of chocolate, but we are willing to negotiate. Posted Oct 21 2008, 08:56 AM by marylandmom with 1 comment(s) Filed under: maryland [Edit Tags]

• Clowns - the Toddler Fear

  There’s a TV show that Dom used to love.  On the show, there is a character called Mr. Pockets, and Mr. Pockets is a clown.  About six months ago, Dom became afraid of Mr. Pockets.  When Mr. Pockets came on the TV screen, Dom would start whining and backing away from it.  He would cover his eyes and scream for me to change the TV station.  Obviously, we don’t watch that TV show anymore. Random pictures of clowns scare him, too.  Books with clowns in them can’t be checked out from the library, and the appearance of a clown-dressed man at the County Fair in August freaked him out, too. I guess I didn’t do as well as I thought at hiding my own fear of clowns.  Perhaps my insistence at pediatrician visits that we not be put in the “clown room” somehow made an impression on Dom (I am a member of the “It” generation, after all). The Chevy Chase Volunteer Fire Department had their open house last weekend.  Because my boy is a fire truck fan, we were there when it started.  There was a moon bounce slide for the kids, food for everyone who came to visit, and a demonstration of ladder climbing by some firefighters.  And…there was a clown.  The very nice gentleman giving educational tidbits about home fire safety was in full clown face, and Dom didn’t appreciate his presence, to put it mildly.  In fact, Dom pulled Daddy away from the man while I listened to his very informative lecture.  About halfway through our visit, Dom suddenly became dead quiet.  “Clown,” he said.  I immediately started craning my neck, planning possible escape routes away from the clown teacher guy.  Then Dom pointed to the corner of the firehouse.  There, standing in the midst of a gaggle of munchkins, was Ronald McDonald.  I watched in astonishment as Dom ran off to join the crowd of admirers. I guess clowns are okay if they bribe him with nuggets. Posted Oct 19 2008, 08:53 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, food, fun stuff to do [Edit Tags]

• The Book Corner…October 18, 2008

  Dom and I love to read together.  Rather, I read while he flips the pages so quickly that I can’t keep up.  Same difference. We check anywhere from 5 – 15 children’s books out of the library each week.  We also have an extensive children’s collection on our own bookshelves.  There are some books that Dom and I love so much that I want to share them with other parents.  So I figure that I’ll do that once a week or so.  Here is this week’s book corner… The Little Fireman by Margaret Wise Brown Margaret Wise Brown has written many children’s books now considered classics.  It just so happens that she wrote a few about two of Dom’s favorite topics – trains and fire trucks.  This story is her venture into the life of firefighters. The opening page of the story lays the foundation.  This is a book about opposites.   once upon a time there was a  great big tall fireman  and once upon a  time there was a   little fireman The two firemen live in firehouses next door to each other, and they are very similar…except that everything the big tall fireman owns is big, and everything the little fireman owns is small.  From their dogs to their fire trucks to their fire bells, they are opposites.  Even the fonts are different – descriptions of the big tall firefighter are larger than those of the little firefighter. Every firefighter book needs fire action, and this one is no exception.  Each fireman finds a fire his own size to fight and they each save the day.  This is a great book for introducing and studying opposites.  There is enough action to satisfy the antsiest kid.  And it is by Margaret Wise Brown…I don’t think she ever wrote a bad book. Posted Oct 18 2008, 11:44 PM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, education, books, Book Corner [Edit Tags]

• Binky Wars

  The Binky Wars have begun in the Crayton household.  So far, Dom is winning while Mommy and Daddy are on a waiting list for the proper defenses. Dom hid all of his binkies. So, at naptime today, he didn't have one. He cried for over an hour before finally falling asleep. The crying was interspersed with him shouting, "I NEED BINKY! Where is it? FIND HIM!" I swear, it was like heroin rehab or something. At one point, I caught myself about to say, "You don't need binky. You'll be fine without it. You need to learn to cope – it’s just a crutch." Then hubby found binky...and Dom shut up and went to sleep. He's nearly 2 1/2, and he insists on having a binky in his mouth whenever food isn't being shoved into it.  I just ordered three more “Bye-Bye to Binky” types of books, but if they don’t work (the others haven't), all will be lost.  I don’t know what else to do.  Tonight, I realized that we are now down to one binky – the one we call Red Binky.  Blue Binky is the most recently lost…and Green Binky disappeared a long time ago.  I don’t even remember the last time I saw Yellow Binky. Anyway, tonight I put Dom into his bed and handed him Red Binky.  He looked at it, then at me, then threw it at my head, screaming, “I want Blue Binky!”  I tried several times to give him Red Binky, and each time it was tossed back at me.  Finally, I told him he could take it or go binkyless for the night. He chose binkyless when he again threw Red Binky at me.  It is going to be a long, long night. Posted Oct 16 2008, 01:50 PM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, binkies [Edit Tags]

• The aliens didn't come

  For those of you keeping track of the scheduled alien invasion on October 14 (I wrote about it on September 30, 2008)...they didn't come.  For some reason, we were once again found to be unworthy to meet them. That is, unless they made contact with the U.S. Government somewhere over Birmingham.  In that case, they may have made a joint agreement in the interest of preventing widespread panic.  But, honestly, would you really panic if aliens appeared over your house?  I mean, if they were the non-probing type?  If they were probers, we would be seriously screwed.  But innocent, friendly, intelligent aliens? Could they be any more terrifying than the stock market?  What is the worst they could do, take over our mortgage market?  Replace our government with higher life forms? Blossom Goodchild, the psychic who communed with the aliens and told us they were coming, has now made her blog private.  Perhaps she knows something the rest of us don’t know.  Perhaps the aliens did come and she is hiding them in her garage.  Perhaps the U.S. Government is holding her at Guantanamo Bay for harboring unknown beings.  Perhaps…perhaps…perhaps she is being probed. Who knows?  However, I would imagine there are legions of alien-watchers who are really disappointed right now.  Imagine – you pack up your rusty, antique VW bus with all of your worldly belongings, toss a few friends on top of the crap in the back, drive 3000 miles to Alabama…and nada.  Zip.  Nothing.  No aliens.  That could be a major letdown if you didn’t have a life. I wonder if this will hurt Blossom Goodchild’s book sales?  Because, honestly…she has a nice gimmick going.   Posted Oct 15 2008, 09:23 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, weird stuff [Edit Tags]

• The Right to Vote

  If McCain loses Maryland by three votes, it is my fault. I went to the post office today, and there were three teenagers filling out voter registration forms (today was the deadline). They got to the "party affiliation" blank and had a long discussion amongst themselves. Then one of them looked at me and asked, "What party is Obama in?" Besides the fact that they hadn't bothered to educate themselves at all, I was very happy to see that they were exercising their constitutional right to choose our leader. Even if Obama doesn’t win (hey, I can hope), he has done wonders to get voters motivated to participate in this vital part of our government.  And I can only pray that these teenagers do learn something about the issues before election day so that they can become informed voters. The three teenagers waited in line for 20 minutes.  Then they got to the counter and realized that nobody had any money for the stamps they needed to put on the forms to send them off. So, civic-minded American that I am, I paid for their stamps. See - Republicans can be giving sometimes!  Even if it does mean that Obama wins by an even larger margin.  Honestly, I like Obama.  But I am as pro-life as you can get without crossing the line and becoming a crazy clinic bomber.  So McCain has my vote (not just because he is pro-life, but that is my largest issue).  At any rate, I left the post office today with a smile on my face for helping move our youth along the road to responsible adulthood.  But, if these are our future leaders, we are in trouble. Posted Oct 14 2008, 09:08 PM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, education, teenagers, politics [Edit Tags]

• Shiny, Happy People

  Dom and I went to Ikea a few days ago.  Mostly, it was a way for me to get out of the house, but I told my husband that I had to get a stool for the boy.  Yes, he bought it, so off Dom and I went for a glorious afternoon of escape. We snagged our shopping cart (just in case I found something to buy besides the stool) and immediately headed for the restaurant for lunch.  While we were eating…or, rather…after I ate and was waiting for Dom to finish eating, I had a revelation.  While people watching, I realized something.  Nobody was yelling at his or her kids.  No kids were throwing tantrums in front of their parents.  There were no disgruntled employees snarling at customers who had questions.  The customers with the questions seemed elated to stand around waiting for answers.  In fact…everyone was pretty darned happy. Have you ever noticed that?  That once people walk through the front door of an Ikea, they are transformed into shiny, happy people?  It is slightly creepy to see all of those huge smiles plastered onto faces as though Ikea were a Stepford community, isn’t it? I suppose the low prices could be leaving people so thrilled that they grin big enough to show off their back molars.  Or maybe the brightly colored furniture and accessories soothe the spirit.  Possibly, happy drugs are mixed into the meatball mixture (hey, there is some ingredient in there that hooks you, too).  I don’t know.   I just know that, as we continued our shopping journey through the accessories area, everyone there was happy, too. There was no grumbling in the 20-person-deep register line, either.  After we paid for our stuff, the Ikea cashier gave me an overly perky, “Thank you.”  And, huge smile on my face, I replied, “Thank you!”  Yeah…I had the meatballs for lunch. Posted Oct 12 2008, 08:21 AM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, food [Edit Tags]

• The Book Corner…October 11, 2008

  Dom and I love to read together.  Rather, I read while he flips the pages so quickly that I can’t keep up.  Same difference. We check anywhere from 5 – 15 children’s books out of the library each week.  We also have an extensive children’s collection on our own bookshelves.  There are some books that Dom and I love so much that I want to share them with other parents.  So I figure that I’ll do that once a week or so.  Here is this week’s book corner… Firefighters to the Rescue by Kersten Hamilton Like many little boys and plenty of little girls, Dom is obsessed with rescue workers.  Specifically, this obsession is mainly focused on one type of rescue vehicle – fire trucks.  There are a lot of fire truck books out there.  We even have several besides this one (I will cover a few others over the next few weeks). This, however, is Dom’s current “Firetuck” book.  The illustrations are bright and appealing.  The firefighters look like normal men (the absence of a female firefighter is my one complaint about this book).  I like that the firefighters aren’t dalmations…that has been way overdone in fire truck books.  The book follows a group of firefighters through their day.  They begin with boring chores.  Then the fire bell rings, and the fun begins (at least it does for Dom, who immediately starts making siren sounds while running around the room).  The men quickly jump into their fire gear and climb aboard the fire truck.  They race through the town and to the fire, where they save the day.  Horn blowing, engine roaring.  Red lights, blue lights  Flash a warning.  Move aside –  Fire truck coming! If you have a fire truck freak in your life, just get this book.  Trust me. Posted Oct 11 2008, 11:29 PM by marylandmom with no comments Filed under: maryland, education, books, Book Corner [Edit Tags]

• Fight, gnats, fight!

  While Dom and I were in a crowded waiting room yesterday, a woman suddenly started screaming like a…well…baby.  She hysterically yelled, “It’s a bug!” as she danced around.  Everyone looked over at the teensy cricket in the corner just as she squashed it under her shoe.  I have to interject here with a brief explanation…I don’t kill bugs.  I trap them and let them go outside.  My husband will occasionally squish a bug, but never in my (or Dom’s) presence.  So this tiny little cricket was Dom’s first experience with death (when we put our cat to sleep a few months ago, Dom wasn't there, so he just thinks the cat moved to Heaven).  Understandably, he freaked out.  He asked what was wrong with the bug, and I told him the lady killed it.  He started bawling, and through his sobs, he asked why she killed it.  I answered the best I could, explaining that sometimes, when people are afraid of something, they lash out and hurt it.  Go figure, he still didn’t get it.  All afternoon, he kept talking about the “deady bug.”  I have a friend who is fighting some sort of gnat attack at her house.  Her window screens were covered with bugs, so she did some research and “began Phase One.”  I asked her not to tell me what Phase One was, since I am fairly certain it somehow involves the harming of innocent critters.  As my friend put it, “Their time is up.” So, a little while ago, she IM’d me and said that the bugs are now inside of the windows. I laughed. Because, honestly, how spunky is that?  As she said, she is 12,000 times their size.  Yet they fought back against Phase One (whatever it may be) to gain entry into the house.  I wonder what their response will be to Phase Two?  Full home invasion?  Eating all the food?  Stealing the car? For all of the “deady bugs” everywhere, Fight, gnats, fight!  At the least, it will be very entertaining to watch this battle play out. Posted Oct 10 2008, 06:28 AM by marylandmom with 2 comment(s) Filed under: maryland [Edit Tags]

• Funny Dom

  Dom is beginning to express his sense of humor, and it is much like my own.  He now loves to tease us. An example: Me (whispered):  I love you, Dominici. Dom (yelled):  I love…SODA! (The way we play the game, he is supposed to yell, “I love you, Mommy”). Me:  Are you teasing me?  That is silly!  (Whispering again)…I love you, Dominici. Dom (yelled):  I love…cookies! (Said in his best Cookie Monster voice). Me (whispered):  Last chance, Buggabutt.  I love you, Dominici. Dom (yelled):  I love…Daddy!  Look – Fire truck! Not long ago, just after I tucked him into bed, Dom said, “Mommy?  I love you more than chocolate.”  Now, apparently, I come behind soda, cookies, and Daddy.  And possibly fire trucks.  I have the oddball sense of humor in my family.  I tease, too…that is something I shared with my grandmother that nobody else could ever get.  Apparently, Dom inherited that teasing funniness.  I think it is hilarious, but Russell doesn’t get it anymore than my family does.  When Russell says, “I love you, son,” Dom looks at him and says, “I love YOU, son.”  Then Dom and I crack up while Russell stares at us.  Another time that Russell is lost is when Dom and I go back and forth saying, “You have chocolate breath.”  “Well, you have banana breath.”  “Uh-uh.  You have burrito breath.”  We eventually collapse in laughter, and Russell just shakes his head. One of two things needs to happen…either our next child needs to inherit Russell’s sense of humor (which is more geared to stupid slapstick than teasing hilarity)….or Russell needs to get a funny-bone implant.  Seriously.  Because our silliness needs to be appreciated. Posted Oct 08 2008, 03:42 PM by marylandmom with 1 comment(s) Filed under: maryland [Edit Tags]